Shingles...and not on my roof!

This post is all about, you guessed it, SHINGLES! They're so unbelievably joyful that I choose to take time off of work just to spend every pleasurable moment just reveling in the pain, discomfort, sick feelings and nasty blisters that accompany me, and boy is it fun!!

Actually, it's TERRIBLE but I've had some nay-sayers who believe I'm just making an excuse to not have to go to work. Come a little closer and I'll rub my shingles on you so you can enjoy them too, if they're not so bad...as you, I guess, believe!

Before I begin to describe this wondrous adventure, you may be curious as to why I have this on my "I want to be a mommy" blog. Well, when I have the shingles, I have to basically stay away from everyone except people my age who have had the chicken pox. I can not be near young children, the elderly, people who have never had the chicken pox or pregnant women. If a pregnant woman were to get the shingles, it could cause severe problems including, but not limited to, the fetus getting the chicken pox, birth defects...or even death of that unborn baby. Now imagine me, the 28 year old who has now had the shingles 14 times, getting pregnant. See where I'm going with this? Yeah...bad news bears. It's just one more glorious reason for me not being allowed to carry my own baby without severe risk.

Here's how shingles goes for me, buckle up because this is a fun ride!

Side note - my shingles ALWAYS rest on my sciatic nerve, so they're always right at the top of my bootay, in perfect alignment with the waist line of my underwear and jeans which makes for super awesome rubbing of the blisters. The blisters will either rest on the left side or right side, sometimes starting on one side and traveling over to the other. Yay..

1) My leg, whichever side the shingles are starting on, starts to get severe pain shooting up and down it in, what I call, lightning bolts. I could be fine one second then ZAP, sharp pain just zings right through my nerves.

2) My skin on the chosen side starts to become so unbelievably painful that even the lightest possible touch could make me cringe and shoot more lightning bolts through my nerves. The best way to describe the pain on my skin is like this: imagine the absolute worst sunburn you could ever experience, now go grind that skin up against some concrete to give yourself a nice road rash right over it. Now take a hot iron and press it right on there and just enjoy. Sounds delightful, yes?

3) I will begin to get a burning sensation from the inside out in the area where the shingles are beginning to form. Sometimes this burning is accompanied with a strange internal tingle that feels like little bugs crawling all over that area. From time to time, that little area will attract those awesome lightning bolts, which then begin to spread throughout more nerves.

4) Now comes the itching...oooh the itching. Shingles is the chicken pox virus dwelling inside all of us, that gets triggered by stress and hangs out on nerves. With my weakened immune system, I get them about every 2 months. Why so stressed you may ask? Read my other posts on this blog, but to name a few real quick, kidney failure, pending transplant, dangerously high blood pressure, heart problems and not allowed to carry my own babies...yet. Maybe.




5) Once I've gotten to the point where I want to rip my entire leg off and gouge out the upcoming rash, it begins to form on top of the skin. It sometimes starts off as just a small red blob, then transforms into a cluster of tiny bumps. From there it can spread, or it may stay the same size.

6)After the bumps have been around a few days, they then blister and become these absolutely disgusting fluid filled bubbles that contain the virus itself. They're so nasty and extremely painful. I usually try to sit very still in this phase because anything touching them causes excruciating pain.







 7) They then begin to rupture and scab over. The lovely phase where it turns yellow and scabby and nasty mixed in with fluid filled blisters. Even the scab hurts.






8) The scab then forms and starts to slowly go away. If part of the scab falls off, you can still see the yellow fluid bubbles resting IN THE SCAB ITSELF. The scab is sensitive to touch and this time around, it keeps sending those lightning bolts up and down my leg.




One added bonus of this round of shingles is a fantastic headache. Apparently, they were nestled so deep into the nerve this time that they reached and settled into the nerve root which then has been triggering this unbearable and throbbing headache that makes it painful to turn my head to the left or move too quickly. If I were to turn or move too quick, I get this intense throb on the left side base of my skull that just radiates and pulsates. My left leg is still very sensitive to the touch which makes me wonder if I may be brewing some more but so far, no new blisters. Now you all know what I go through when I just take time off of work to lounge around and get paid for it. Knowledge....you turds.

Tax Time Savings!

So usually my blog entries are a bit sad and depressing and make you all have a little frowny face...well, hopefully this time, I can turn that frown upside-down!

Allen (da hubs to those of you who may not know and have obviously not read the blog entry bragging and bla bla-ing about him) has a good friend he works with whose best friend works in an adoption agency. Or works with an agency...or something like that. Allen has been the main communication between all of them so all I really know is she may have access to our future baby!

We have been flirting with the idea of adoption lately, giving a baby out there a chance to a great life with us, to join our family. We haven't spoken with them yet about all of the details but the idea that we could be adopting sometime in the near future makes me excited. Yes I still get that stab of jealousy and envy when I see you all post pictures of your cute bellies, sonogram pics, being able to watch it and feel it grow, get the excitement of finding out the gender, but guess what, I'll get some of those things in my own way. I won't get a baby bump but maybe a baby gut from stress and nervous eating just waiting for that call! I may get a sonogram picture, being able to watch it grow and feeling the excitement as the gender is revealed if we work with a woman who is pregnant at the time and lets us be part. If not, I'll be able to feel it grow in my heart and watch our home become ready for OUR baby. I'll become excited when I hear what gender of baby is available to come home with us. Just knowing that I'll become a mommy, and Allen, a daddy just fills my heart with joy and so much excitement.

I was being a crazy lady on Pinterest, and I found so many adoption things that had me smiling from ear to ear. I found adoption baby showers, adopting "maternity" photo sessions, adoption quotes, books, tshirts and more! Ideas were FLYING through my head involving fundraising ideas to help with the cost of adoption (though if you look at the title, we have put a nice little chunk aside from our taxes and have a decent amount saved up but woo can it be expensive!) I've been pinning nursery ideas and even how to work your body into producing milk so I can breastfeed this new miracle even though my body didn't grow it. I know we will absolutely adore this little baby, wherever it is, but we will have to bond with it and get it to bond with us. It's a tiny stranger that we know nothing about but holy moly am I excited to learn!

This is still in the distant but near future, don't expect a post next week saying we've had a baby, but knowing that this conversation is happening, and planning and saving is happening brings me so much happiness!!