So...I saw the doctor today...guess what, more NO's! So great! Not. No...not great. As I get the blessing of more days with my husband, the more I realize that I can't wait to make him a dad. I always knew there were risks for me, lots of risks, but today, a new risk decided to be a thing, I guess.
I knew that if I were to get pregnant, I'd immediately be put on dialysis 5-6 days a week, getting a fistula, (the process of surgically connecting an artery to a vain to increase blood flow to a larger and easier access point for the very large dialysis needles), and doing all in my and the doctors power to protect my baby and myself. Well now, I guess, if I were to reach dialysis stage of my kidney disease (5% more to go before it becomes a strong suggestion) the dialysis could damage all of my eggs and run a high risk of never being able to conceive. ::stab...right to the heart...and uterus::
My doctor now says "I'd suggest harvesting and freezing your eggs, just in case. That way, if you do reach dialysis, you know you'll have healthy eggs to help with future conception." He didn't say it just like that, but you get my point.
Why? WHY? Why can't we just have our kids the normal way, the easiest way? Why do we have to spend up to $100,000 to harvest, freeze, fertilize, and implant who knows how many eggs, plus whatever cost the surrogate is charging, her doctors appointments, clothes and whatever else she needs to carry our child? My doctor even says that due to my condition(s), many of the eggs could fail...now I get the guilt of possibly putting our surrogate through miscarriages. Yippee.
My head is just swimming around in a pool of negative and positive and it's stressful. It's hard to not feel like a useless woman but I can't get myself down like that. We will be parents and it will be worth every single cent.
No comments:
Post a Comment