Picture in your mind the one thing you've wanted more than anything. Now imagine someone telling you if you were to try to get it, there's a good chance you would die. That's what has been happening to me. I've wanted to be a mommy more than anything; being able to experience pregnancy, feel those kicks, go through the pain and finally, have that new love placed on my chest just seconds after birth, making my mind forget about all the pain. But 2 kidney doctors, my internist and my OB/GYN have told me no. No you can't experience the one thing women were basically made for because you could die. No they didn't say those exact words, but dancing around the harsh truth by saying "well...there are a lot of risks with your health that could cause you to lose your life if you were to get pregnant, so it may be best just to not try" hurts just as much.

You may be wondering (if you don't know me) what health issues I have. I am a Chronic Kidney Disease patient currently sitting at stage 4 status. My kidneys keep hopping between 18-25% in function and that alone is too risky to carry a child. It's very common for Kidney Disease patients to develop other health issues because your body is losing a battle with a very important organ. Due to my kidneys, so I've been told, I have developed stage 2 hypertension, my blood pressure being recorded as high as 239/180 (normal for my build is about 100-120/70-80). Because of my blood pressure, that raises another risk for me and the baby. To add to the list, I also have ventricular tachycardia, cysts about every other month on my left ovaries, possible endimetriosis and my uterus ejoys hanging out on my left side.

My kidney failure was originally caused by an autoimmune disorder called Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome (H.U.S) when I was nearing 3 years old. Basically the disorder attacks your red blood cells after a bought of diarrhea or dehydration and those damaged red blood cells clog the filtration of the kidneys which causes them to shut down.

(Click the link to read up on the disorder if interested in more info
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hemolytic-uremic-syndrome/basics/definition/con-20029487 )

I was placed on the kidney transplant list through Henry Ford Detroit March 29th, 2014...and I'm still no bit closer to getting a new kidney. I could POSSIBLY carry a few years after I get a new kidney, but there's always going to be risks. And who the heck knows when I'll finally be "qualified enough" (sick enough) to get my new kidney. Yes, I'm on the list, but insurance won't cover any testing towards my transplant if my kidney function is above 20%....so here I sit and wait.

All I want is 1 child of my own that I can carry. But it doesn't look promising. So from here on out, you will follow mine and my husband's progress towards seeking a surrogate or adoption and building our family on a bit of a rockier road than most. Guess it's a good thing we drive a Jeep ;)